can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
