By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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