you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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