I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
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