if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I'm really into asian looking animals
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
