Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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