she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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