i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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