I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Randomize
