I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
