he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
