I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Randomize
