he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
