somebody snuck up and got me drunk
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
