imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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