the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
