You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
