Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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