I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Swine flu is the new snow day.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
