so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
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