my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
