She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
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