Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
foreskin is a definite game changer
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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