i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
