u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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