The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
My liver just had a heart attack.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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