I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
