Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
