afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
