Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
