Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
