Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
