Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
