Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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