i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
You may now shotgun with the bride
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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