a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize
