Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
