i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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