The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
