She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
