There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Randomize
