We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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