Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
