i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
