Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Randomize
