I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
