i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
