last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
