yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I intend to get homeless drunk
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
