Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
