so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
God, you're like boner-b-gone
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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