We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
