Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
