Non-Jews are for practice
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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