First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
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