Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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